Иисус

It Has Recently (Come to my attention...)

2006-05-27T21:35:09Z

That 'nncyc' when looked at briefly can be read as 'nsync.' N*SYNC is something I hate. Therefore, it must change. Will edit when I think of what I'm changing it to.

Edit : http://adoxographical.livejournal.com

No Ziggy Socky... (Oi, oi, oi...)

2006-05-26T23:00:13Z

Today... we lost the rugby game.... We lost home team advantage. We have to go out to Bell Isle Bay! Goddamn. That's, like, an hour away and me & Christy are totally rugby dorks now. ...Anyway, I talked to Jeremy (cute Australian boy on team.) Well, sort of. He was running down from where we were sitting (on a cliff) and I yelled "JEREMY!" and he looked up and I said what I said and he said "WHAT?!" so I said again "YOU HAVE TO WIN THE GAME FOR US!" and he smiled. THEN we realised Headphones Guy was number 11 on the team! So I yelled down to other Jeremy (who I know) "WHO IS NUMBER 11!" and he said his name but me and Christy couldn't make out what he was saying. So at halftime we went down and when the game started again Headphones guy was there and Jeremy says "His name is Camille" and points to him. So I met cute headphones guy, his name is Camille, he's Polish, he has a yellow buggy with tweety all over it and best of all I SAW HIM SHIRTLESS!

Anyway, James got hurt and Josh played better than last game.

....I SAW CAMILLE SHIRTLESS.

Nothing Changes (Nothing changes)

2006-05-25T22:34:38Z

...How come this always happens to me? Logically, I know how lovely my life is. Why do I always get like this? It's the stupidest thing in the world and I feel like shit for it. I don't know what to do with myself. Sometimes I feel so helpless.

Horrible. (H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E.)

2006-05-25T21:53:25Z

I feel so fucking horrible.

I hate myself. Fuck! I'm a fat, lazy cunt.

God. I need help.

Hey Man (Look at me rockin' out.)

2006-05-24T22:07:13Z

Everyone is dying but I'm feeling good, it's horrible. Things always collide like that. My friend Casey lost her grandma and my friend Christy lost her great grandma. I'm still unsure about TX but I'm leaning toward staying here. I really, really want to get in shape and do rugby next year! REALLY BADLY! So I need to start getting in shape. And I want to get my damn apps in!

Rugby Overtime (Is the best kind.)

2006-05-23T23:48:54Z

Today I went to the ultimate Rugby game. We had to win or we were out of the season. It was a tie and we won by default because we had 1 more try than they did! I love rugby, it was such an awesome game, too, like, three different people got hurt... Ah. Good times....

AND WE WON!

And then I went to Marley's obedience class.

DID I MENTION WE WON?!

I might join Girls' Rugby next year... hmm...

You (Left Us.)

2006-05-22T22:59:15Z

I'm so tired. I feel sick. I hate this town. My mother's turned into a real bitch lately. I try to avoid her. I'm so tired... Fuck!

HOLY (FUCK)

2006-05-22T00:17:23Z

I hate my mother with a horrible passion.

GOD(Damn.)

2006-05-19T17:00:00Z

FUCK! I messed up my sleep cycle! I slept in 'til 2! I didn't mean to, I didn't realise what I was doing when I shut off my alarm clock. AAAAAAAAAGH! FUCKIN' PIECE OF!

Miss Sarah (And her wardrobe)

2006-05-18T17:44:41Z

Today I woke up... around... 10:40-ish. I got ready and went out with my mom and dog to do a training session, but he still likes her more and goes to her, which I found uber discouraging and cried... Heh, yeah...

Anyway, then we went over to Sharon's house and saw little baby Sarah, who my mommy looked over and she has a heart murmur but no other problems and she's perfectly fine except for a diaper rash. We gave Sharon allllllll the clothes (trust me, there were lots) we bought for Sarah and the baby stuff we bought her, too, and the teddy bear (A Gund, named Snuffles.) Sharon asked us to bring it to her at her shower and we were like "What? Oh, no, this isn't your shower present." And she was like "My God, you people!" because so far we've bought her :

2 books on babies
4 or 5 little baby dresses
4 or 5 little baby jumpers and underwear thingies
2 baby sweaters
The brush/comb set
A set for babies with a little book in it, baby powder, baby lotion, baby bath wash, and diaper rash cream
A picture frame
A teddy bear
And something else I can't remember right now...

And we're STILL getting her some baby books and some other things for her shower, so Sharon keeps saying "You guys really shouldn't have... but I'm glad you did!"

Anyway, baby Sarah is still oh-so-cute.

Then we came home & mom went to her appointment so I'm here all alone. Pouty.

Update: Ate second veggie meal ever. It was SO yummy! Then I went out and got apps for Blockbuster, Mickey D's, and Bulk Barn. Ran into Alberta, who didn't know Sharon had a baby and was all excited. Blah blah blah. Came home, filled 'em out. Now just chilling. Got the dog a new collar, he looks uber sweet!

Yay (For today!)

2006-05-17T19:49:43Z

Today officially starts my lacto-ovo-vegetarianism (which is leading to veganism.) This is my last week of dairy I've decided, maybe last two weeks... I love cheese... and then I will also give up eggs & honey! Well, maybe I'll stick to honey... Everyone has a weakness. Anyway, then when I can muster up the guts, I will have to give up all my leather shoes... Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll be a strictly dietary vegan who... supports the slaughter of innocent animals for good shoes.

Yeah. I have to give up the shoes, don't I?

....Oh, well, I'll live. Except I get these fabulous shoes for my birthday.... Maybe I'll just wear the shoes I have until they are worn out and not wear any more shoes. I mean. I already bought them, there's nothing else I can do, right?

...Right. *rocks back and forth*

Anyway, so I had what will probably be my last icecream cone today. It was butter pecan! Fuck, it was good. We bought watermelon, and avacado, and bananas, and all kinds of yummy things. I love fruit...

Anyway then we ran into Sam, my mom's friend. Well sort of before that. And Sharon's new baby Sarah has somethin wrong with her... hypothyroid? I don't know.

AND I withdrew from the 10th grade, so I am on summer vacation and going to look for aj ob and do some volunteer work. I go back to school in September, so don't worry.

TONIGHT IS THE FINALE OF ANTM! I hope Joanie wins, or Danielle, and not Jade, but hopefully Joanie.

Swallow (And chew)

2006-05-17T14:58:04Z

Brief update :

Becoming vegan.

Looking into getting GED.

Having major cramps.

SG&M

Getting Organized (Maybe.)

2006-05-13T01:13:46Z

Today I talked to my mom a bit about school and she let me stay home today, and said we would talk about it over the weekend. We then went out and went to Wacky Wheatley's, the fabric store (where I got some fabric and a design for the skirt I am going to make which will be too small for me so I can work hard to fit into it,) and then to Value Village where I got a pair of shoes and a typewriter (!). Then, to the mall.

At the mall I showed her the Hell shirt from Sears, bought her a pair of purple earrings and a scented candle and a card for Mother's Day, and pooped. YES! I pooped! I got really sick and went in the public restroom which I hate to do but there was this girl stuck beside me who also was trapped pooping and was also wearing converse and I felt a special, unspoken, unseen connection... Anyway.

Then we pet a dog named Bismark outside of a shop...

Then we ate sushi and I had Chinese food (which I ate, yes, with my chopsticks! Fuck, food tastes so good off of chopsticks.) Then we went to the book store and checked out some and bought 2 books on vegetarian recipes. Then we went to Staples and I bought a ribbon for my new typewriter. Then we came home and I tried to get said new ribbon on to old, value village typewriter. It took a while but I got it. Then I wrote a little letter to my mom for Mother's Day and then some random shit and then I came on here after I packaged her gifts in a little gift bag.

Fin.

Food (For Thought)

2006-05-12T10:32:45Z

I can't help but wonder what it would be like to chew one's own teeth...

Jesus! (He's floating!)

2006-05-11T19:17:34Z

Today I got up at 7 and hung around the house. I watched some cartoons and Laws of Attraction and then I got dressed around 11:00 and went out to the mall, where I walked to the movie theatre only to find out they aren't showing matinees right now, and walked back to the mall. Then I went to Sears. In the words of Jeremy Hotz : "What a miserable place that is."

I found this gorgeous shirt and picked it up in a medium (which I normally am) and went to the dressing room along with some other shirts and pants. I put on a pair of khaki capris and went to put on the shirt (which was silk with lace and this butterfly lacey thingy... it sounds terrible but it was awesome,) I got it halfway on and... it didn't fit. I could've cried about that because I knew I was getting bigger but then - I COULDN'T GET THE FUCKER OFF! I was TRAPPED in this FUCKING SILK SHIRT that I couldn't get off! I tried taking it off the bottom way and the top way and it got so horrible I thought about calling in the lady and asking her to GET IT OFF OF ME! I even took off my bra to see if it would help if I could squash down my boobs. After a complete half hour of near-tears pulling and paranoid ideas of "What am I going to do? What if I have to get a woman to come in and cut it off? Will I have to pay for it? I don't have any money with me!" the fucker finally came off. Then I sat down and almost cried. I couldn't believe I'm that big now! I though maybe it was just the make of the clothes, so I tried on some of the other clothes I brought in. All different lines, all mediums, all too fucking small! The icing on the cake? The pair of jeans I brought in that I expected to look like crap because who ever finds a good pair of jeans? were PERFECT. Perfecto! The right length, perfect fit, everything. And I couldn't get them. So then I sat down and looked at myself and decided I must lose weight at any and all costs.

Then I left Sears which is now my Hell store (after my ordeal I sat around in the stall for a while thinking "I wonder what the suicide rate is in changing rooms,") and went out to look in a couple of the music stores and went in Coles before I bought some sushi and ate it with the chopsticks! It tastes better when you eat it with the chopsticks. Then I went to the drug store and looked at the makeup and thought about stealing some and then I left and came home. I went to the store and bought some candy (I know that really falls in line with losing weight, but I like buying penny candy with my leftover change.) I then went to the church because I live across the street from it but I've never been inside.

It was so fucking gorgeous I can't even describe. Blue and white. I sat down in a pew and I cried.

Then I came home.

Blah Blah Blah (Blah blah blah)

2006-05-10T21:44:15Z

'Words are going to come out of my mouth now, but I don't mean any of them.'

What A Couple (Of days.)

2006-05-10T05:57:31Z

So May 8th I woke up and went to school. I went to art and read an article on evil in a 1991 issue of Time magazine. Then I stole the magazine, and went to science. Then I skipped social studies, walked down to the store, bought a little bag of doritoes, candy, and a can of sprite, and went to the woods and sat in a little cradle-shaped beau and read. Then I took the bus down to the store where they have that little place where you can buy stuff to eat and I got a poutine and a hamburger and read an article about date rape (in that 1991 issue of Time Magazine) and another about an Indian ruler. Then I went back to school and hung out with my friends until my mom came and we went to my appointment with Tony. Then she picked me up and I went to the hospital with her, where we saw Sarah, my mom's best friend Sharon's new baby. Sharon has been trying for a baby for 8 years and has lost 4 or 5, and she's finally got her baby. I held her, and she was so sweet. She has the longest fingers. Then we left and drove out to Moncton and saw INXS. I wore my Lovehammers shirt because we were hoping they would open, but it was Stabilo, who was pretty damn good, might I add. So. Now I like Stabilo (especially the song 'Habit.') Their guitarist is pretty cool. Plus he wore a shirt with Cookie Monster on it.

Then INXS came on and JD, as usual, was super sexy. Kirk was wearing purple pants and silver loafers, heh. But JD came out in all black with a grey suit jacket and in the middle of the show he changed into a shirt that said 'Bluenoser.' He did his usual sex-with-the-michrophone-stand things, and hopped around, and said some cool stuff ("Close your eyes, open your mind, and check out this shit.") Near the end he asked everyone to close their eyes. I'd never thought to close my eyes at a concert before, but it's an awesome experience. Jon was cool, too. Love our Jon. He was dressed pretty cool. And the back up singers were the same ones as in Boston and that woman with the amazing voice sang that bit from Afterglow. I love that bit. And they played Never Tear Us Apart perfect. JD really is great for them... But I miss Michael. He was lovely, and sexy as all fuck.

Anyway then we came home and I was sick as I have been for the last few days and I crashed. I slept until today, the 10th.

Who'm I (To say?)

2006-05-07T00:47:55Z

This morning I went out with my money. I had 55 bucks to spend. I was very edgy, too. I didn't know if I should go out and buy weed or buy acid or buy something for myself, or something for mother's day. But I've been doing a lot of thinking (helped by a lot of advice over at 'advice4teens') and I'm just going to stop the LSD and the dope. You know, except on New Years. And maybe my birthday... Or not at all. Maybe I'll stay completely away from the drugs. E, too. And. Whatever else I've taken. That's it, I think. Say no to drugs, kids. They are the reason people end up like me.

So I took my money and I bought 45 dollars worth of self-care stuff. Cleansers and moisturizers and makeup and I went home and used it all and felt absolutely fantastic about myself.

And then I guess I ate something bad because I started feeling really nauseous and went to bed.

That was my day. I sent a message to my dad about moving in with him. He hasn't messaged back yet. I haven't talked to my mom, though, I'm a bit nervous. I thought of talking to my therapist first. I don't know. I'm going crazy, I swear.

What else, what else?

I don't know.

I guess that sums up everything : I don't know.

What Are We (Supposed to do?)

2006-05-06T00:31:36Z

I think I might go back to school on Monday, you know. Just show up. Lots of. Random. I don't know how to spend my money. I think I'm addicted to nicotine. I'm a nicotine addict. That sucks, eh?

Whatever. I don't really know anymore. Sort of in that.

Floating.

Phase.

Where you just go with the flow because your brain is too numb to do anything else.

Hah (Poor Me)

2006-05-04T19:51:35Z

It took me upwards of a minute to realise that not only was it not Iggy Pop, it wasn't even in English.

nncyc @ 2006-05-04T13:10:00

2006-05-04T16:09:31Z

Zbigniew Preisner.

And, Walken for President. http://www.walken2008.com

So, Fucking (Tired.)

2006-05-02T00:06:27Z

*dies*

I took 12 allergy pills because they had... something in them. dimesomething. Whatever it made me tired for, like, 3 days. I slept for 24 hours.

I need real drugs now. Acid!

Just Finished (The rum diary)

2006-04-29T09:38:11Z

Right now I'm fat (but pretty, but fat) and sane. I need to be thin so I can be insane and keep the balance. The balance is necessary. Very necessary.

I need drugs, too.... I need money. So I can get drugs. Shayne can get 2 hits of acid for 15 bucks. 2. For 15. I know.

HST is God still again still. Whatever. Yes.

I need to read up on that whole mind expansion thing. I keep meaning to...

Who Understand Me (More than you)

2006-04-28T22:39:18Z

Yesterday I watched Hostel with Doug and Christy. It was OK. Today I stayed home. Too stressed to go to school. New start on Monday.

Doug just called.

Me : "Hello?"
Doug : "Hey."
Me : "What?"
Doug : "I'm not allowed to talk to you now?"
Me : "No, you sound like something's wrong."
Doug : "Fuck I love you."

PLUS! A NEW LAYOUT!

Manic (Depression)

2006-04-27T19:55:18Z

I think we're sure I'm bipolar now. At least I have a diagnosis. Finally.

I feel like shit. Again.